DAT WINNIE! #regram from @dtjaaaam today!! #hocuspocus #comikaze #comikazeexpo #comikaze13
"One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
"I overheard the man
“I am a lover
not a fighter,”
am in fact,
For is it love
if it’s not worth
[made rebloggable by request]
read like a motherfucker. don’t learn from your betters, just inhale them. imprint rhythms and chokeholds and things-that-shoot-up-your-spine into your fingertips. read how romance novels create characters so vivid you want to fuck them and have them be fucked. read brutal minimalism and extravagant prose. read children’s books to remember about wonder and post-modernists to remember about freedom. read because at some point you will be so full with the consumption of language you will need to start pouring it back out again.
write like an asshole. write things when you’ve stayed up so late you are delirious. write when you’re drunk. write when a song has made you feel catastrophic. write when you’re famished. write when you’re spitting mad. write so you don’t curl up in the bottom of a shower and sob. write when people have torn strips off you. write when you’re high on adrenaline. write because there’s a monster on your back and you need to make it real and separate from your soul. eventually, you will not need any of these props to make you brave enough.
seriously. that’s it.
How To Build Your Own Mind Palace
I’ve been using a mind palace since my teens and never thought it odd until I saw tumblr’s reaction to Sherlock’s use of the technique. A couple days ago I found myself building an extension in order to cram for my philosophy exam the following day and I figured I’d use this as an example and get you all exploiting the genius of this method.
If anyone’s any further questions just hit up my ask and we’ll talk.